


The Space Between

by EverShadow, sssammich



Series: Sidelines (Alex's POV) [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2012-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-20 22:09:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/590176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverShadow/pseuds/EverShadow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sssammich/pseuds/sssammich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's in love, but not with the person who loves her most. (A/N: This is Alex's POV of the events that occur in sssammich's sidelines)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Space Between

His name is Servando. It’s the first thing that Alex really knows or notices about him. He had intercepted her at the bar, asking for her name in exchange for his. His voice is thick and deep, a sharp and startling contrast to the voices she was used to now that she spent most of her days practicing around women. He carried faint traces of an accent that she assumed was Latin of some sort, judging by his caramel skin and thick black hair.

“Why don’t you join us at the table?” He asks. It’s instinct when Alex looks back at her own table at the lone girl sitting by herself. He follows her gaze, which lingers longer than it should’ve. “Bring your friend.” He adds.

“I’m not sure…”

“Pretty ladies such as yourselves shouldn’t be alone.” He really only means one of them.

~**~

His hands are coarse against her exposed hip and he sways to the music in a smooth, controlled manner, guiding her body in the process. Alex lets him wordlessly lead her on the floor; she’s never been much of a dancer. He’s handsome, but there’s something about his smile that doesn’t sit quite right with her. For some unknown reason, she thinks, that’s not the smile I’m going to fall in love with.  
His head dips low and his strong chest presses solidly against her back. She can feel his breath on her bare shoulder, on her neck, and it makes the hairs on her body rise. His cologne embraces her as much as his arms, and it’s not a scent she’s particularly likes, but he holds her firmly and it’s a comfort she has not enjoyed in a while.

Tobin’s the first to leave. She declined to join Servando’s friends, even when Alex pointed out that there were many an eligible bachelor at the table. Tobin shook her head, said that she was fine where she was, and ordered another drink. When Alex sees Tobin get up, she can’t help but pull herself away from Servando’s roaming hands and eyes to follow. He chases after her, grabs her hand, and her phone. His number glows in the darkness of the club, illuminating his teeth as he says a fond goodbye, as though they were already dating. Alex returns the sentiment and disappears into the cold night.

~**~

Tobin is a warm person, both inside and outside and even though all Alex is wearing is a tube top and a red skirt that barely shields her legs from the temperature outside, she feels comfortable next to her. Her arm loops into Tobin’s and she pulls herself close. With her free hand, Tobin signals for a cab, not an easy feat given the volume of patrons doing the same. Alex doesn’t realize she’s shivering until Tobin takes off her leather coat and places it around her shoulders, leaving herself exposed to the elements in her soccer cutoffs.

“We can share.” Alex says, holding half the coat out. Tobin doesn’t protest and they both take a sleeve. A cab pulls up beside them and they both climb in, joined by the coat. Alex can tell that Tobin’s not entirely there, even as she rambles on about Servando, about how next time she’ll play wingman to Tobin and find her a nice boy too.

“Or girl.” She jokes, ribbing Tobin. In response, Tobin just breaks out into a laugh that, though she would forget about it through the haze of free drinks bought by other men, Alex finds a little too hollow to be real.

~**~

It’s dim in her apartment when she gets home from her first date with Servando. He kisses her goodnight, and she finds herself enjoying it more than she thought she would. A clock blazes at her, screaming the time in the dim kitchen.  
Abby’s up, waiting for Sarah to call. Alex sits down by her feet.

“How’d the date go?” Abby asks, bored out of her mind from waiting.

“Good. He’s a nice guy.” And then, completely unsolicited, “We should find Tobin a boyfriend.” Abby absorbs the silence that follows and she inhales deeply. Alex doesn’t understand what takes Abby so long to respond.

“Tobin can take care of herself.” Abby’s voice is slow and deliberate, like she has a hard time choosing the combination of words. The phone in her hand buzzes, and Abby shoots up to answer it. As she walks by, she messes with Alex’s hair and gives her an unsettling, pitying look.

“Don’t worry about Tobin. She’ll be fine.”

~**~

It’s a statement Alex wishes she could believe over the passing months. The worst part about it all, was that Servando was taking up so much of her time, so much of her happiness, and eventually, so much of her love that she didn’t see the change in Tobin until it was too late.

“Look at you, in the throes of passion.” Sydney waxes adoringly. Alex giggles and blushes, but both fade when she sees Tobin leave the apartment for a minute. Kelley is much worse at hiding her feelings and she follows, concern apparent on her face.

“I guess.” She replies. When Tobin returns, her knuckles are as red as her eyes, like she punched something as hard as she could.

~**~  
“Have you ever…” The question hangs in the air like a weight about to drop on both their heads. Tobin’s neck cranes up to get a better listen to the rest of it but Alex isn’t sure what the rest of it should even be. Liked a girl? Liked a friend? Liked me? She settles for playing with the cross around Tobin’s neck instead, picking it up and dropping it on her chest. She wonders how heavy it is sometimes.

“What?” Tobin’s voice breaks through her thoughts. Her eyes are wet and Alex has to look away from them.

“Nevermind.” She replies and they both settle back into the deafening quiet. Tobin pokes at Alex’s cheek, and gets up to get them both a glass of water. She returns with a blanket, knowing how cold Alex gets in the winter even with the heat turned up.

“You’re like the perfect boyfriend.” Tobin’s eyes cut through her and she never makes that joke again.  
~**~  
She finds Tobin in the church after an educated guess based off of Kelley’s statement that “Tobin left saying she just wanted to be alone for a bit.” The silence in the church haunts her, and she tiptoes through the hall, looking for any sign of her friend. She finds her, hands folded, eyebrows creased in concentration sitting in the back of the main room. Alex wants to sit next to her, to pray with her and ask God if he can bring her some measure of happiness. She knows. She knows a genuine Tobin smile from a forced one, and as of late, they’d all been forced.

She has her suspicions, but she doesn’t dare voice them for fear they may be true. Because if she’s right, if this whole time she’s been…

She stops herself from thinking the rest for fear that simply giving it words would make it true. She doesn’t want to think how she might be hurting her best friend, or that she will continue to hurt her as long as she’s in love with Servando. She doesn’t want to think of all the times she’s missed the dull, listless look in Tobin’s eyes when she brings up her boyfriend, she doesn’t want to think about how many times she’s come back with bruised hands. Alex leaves Tobin to her solitude but she can’t help thinking that Tobin looks most beautiful when she prays.

~**~

“Why don’t you go over to Tobin’s? I’m sure she’ll help you feel better.” His voice drips with mockery and booze. Servando doesn’t mean it, he’s saying things that he’s not like to remember in the morning.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alex can’t act for shit, but Servando is too far gone to notice.

“Please, you’re telling me you don’t notice that she’s more in love with you that I am.” She slaps him, maybe for the assumption about Tobin or maybe for the implied statement that he’s not the one who loves her the most when he should. She’s given him all she can, to say the return wasn’t equal…

“I’m leaving.” Alex says.

“You’re going to Tobin’s aren’t you?” It’s not a question that leaves his mouth.

~**~

Tobin holds her completely differently than Servando. Servando’s arms command her to him whereas Tobin’s support her, warm her and she has room to breathe. They watch videos in the darkness, with Alex’s cheek pressed against the nook between her collarbone and shoulder. Tears stain Tobin’s blue shirt a shade darker, but Tobin doesn’t complain. When Kelley walks by, Alex pretends not to see the knowing glance shared between the two. It’s better not to notice these things.

She knows she shouldn’t, that she should take the couch but she begs Tobin to stay with her through the night. They lay in Tobin’s small bed, backs facing each other and eyes wide open. Tobin’s breathing is shallow, as if she doesn’t want any bigger movement to disturb Alex. It’s a kind, but futile gesture because she can’t sleep anyway. All Alex can think of is rolling over and finding comfort against Tobin. She knows the proximity is torture, she can feel how tense Tobin, and she knows that Tobin’s afraid of the slightest touch. But Tobin would never deny her anything. If only you were a boy, Tobin…

When she wakes up in the morning, Tobin is gone. She hurries out of the room and makes brief eye contact with Kelley on her way out. She says nothing, but the disappointment that Alex couldn’t be strong enough to be alone for one night, to protect them both looms in the stale silence. Nothing had happened, and yet as the door swings closed after her, she can’t choke down the feeling of shame.  
~**~  
“You should talk to Servando.” Tobin doesn’t look her in the eye. Instead, she sends a ball deep down the field and stalks after it.

“Why? Did he talk to you?” Her silence is her response. Alex feels upset. After what Servando said that night he had the nerve to even approach Tobin?

“He loves you.” Tobin said flatly. It’s hard for Alex not to divulge the real reason she stormed out because giving it words would be asking for its validity. She’s not sure she’s ready to hear the truth. A part of her, the majority of her wants this to continue, no matter how painful it is for Tobin because she doesn’t want things to change. And then there’s the small part of her, tucked away in the recesses of her mind that wants to tell Tobin, maybe she doesn’t want to talk to Servando ever again. Maybe she wants to talk to her.

It’s that thought that scares Alex into meeting with Servando after practice. Tobin waits around, her eyes closed and her back flat on the ground. She looks a little like the figure on her cross, and Alex wonders how the pain compares.

“I’ll meet you at the car.” She says to Servando and he sticks his hands in his pockets, knowing that’s the best he’s going to get for now. Alex crosses the field to where Tobin was. Alex wants to hold her, to tell her that she should be happy. She settles for lying on Tobin’s arm.  
She presses her lips to Tobin’s cheek and the desire for Tobin to just turn her head surges in her. She lingers there for a second too long for friendship, and pulls away when her prayers go unanswered. Tobin doesn’t move, as if resigned to her fate and Alex watches the way her jaw tightens a second longer before she can’t bear to be in Tobin’s arms without a purpose. She feels Tobin’s eyes on her as she walks away, and she can’t explain the hurt she feels walking away; she only knows it lingers there in the space between her lungs and heart long after she’s gone.


End file.
